TEFNUT

Q What inspired you to write “I’m High,” especially the way you explore emotional highs without referring to substances?

“I’m High” is one of my most unique pieces that I’ve written. This was the first time that out of nowhere, a song that I’ve never heard came to mind.

I was leaving out that day, and when I was walking to the driveway to get to my car, I began to hear a song. I could hear the lyrics, the melody and the music.

I ran back into the house to grab paper and a pencil and began writing down what I was hearing.

This song is one that I know was handed to me by my Egyptian ancestors. It’s a Royal gem that is very dear to my heart.

It’s beyond the fact that it was created from my higher self.

The way we recorded it— it is raw, authentic, and real.. just as I heard it in my head and exactly how it was meant to be released.

“I’m High” is about a struggle of feeling real emotions as a result of loving someone on a soul level, and you know that they love you as well, but for some reason, the other person is holding back.

Meanwhile, you are trying to go on— day to day, doing things that are extremely important and that you enjoy doing — (like performing on stage), but then having to acknowledge that it has become a regular, everyday emotion that you end up experiencing— night after night. It’s the moment you realize that you are yet again— alone in a hotel room. No answers. No reassurance of reciprocation. Nothing there— just you and your feelings of loneliness.

Q How do you relate personally to the feeling of loneliness after a show, like you mention in the song?

I personally relate to that “lonely after show feeling” because it’s tough when you are doing great things in your life, but you’re far away from people or a person that you love. It’s like not being able to experience the best moments of your life with your loved ones. The events and performances are incredible, but then sometimes you have to go back to being alone.

Q Can you talk about the contrast between the excitement of performing and the solitude you feel afterward?

Right before performances, I typically have a little bit of nervousness just before hitting the stage. Once I’m out there, I am great. Performing itself is exciting, but it’s fascinating to me that once you leave the stage, how fast you can feel like you’re all by yourself!

Q What does being “high” mean to you in the context of this song?

“I’m High” has a component of resentment.

There’s a feeling of wanting a person that you love to make some sort of move towards you. It’s wanting and feeling the desire to love—together, but when you don’t hear anything from that person, you can’t FEEL anything from the connection.

So the emotions quickly flip from desiring that love, to feeling like “I’ll be fine, either way I’m going to fly high and I don’t need you around in order for me to do it.”

So there’s a small bit of that feeling inside. And when a person feels like that, it somehow tricks the mind— and separates her from having to face the reality that there’s a possibility that he may not feel for her— the way that she feels for him.

Q How did you come up with the metaphor of flying without wings to describe emotional elevation?

It’s intentional disassociation. It’s a matter of a person changing their mind on a situation of love— doing so temporarily, just to take time off from having to accept the frustration that comes along with feeling rejected. It’s about preferring to feel numb, than have to face the reality that you’re lonely.

So there’s a major theme of pretending in “I’m High”. Pretending that you actually feel fine when the true feeling you’re experiencing is feeling that you’re being rejected. At the same time, knowing how much love you have for the other person, but when you are left not knowing how that person feels, you can easily get to the point that you’re willing, and almost desperate for them to go as far as “pretending” that they care about you. Just for some sort of relief.

So being “high” without wings in the song, is a place your mind can take you in order to avoid a realization of what might be disinterest or rejection from another person.

Q Was there a specific experience or relationship that influenced the lyrics about craving someone’s care?

Not entirely. Being that this song was very specific in my mind, and written from the lyrics that I heard in my head— along with the music and melody— the emotions portrayed in “I’m High” were not something that I was experiencing personally at that time.

I can say that I certainly identify with feeling something that might be love, and wondering how the other person feels in return. I do know what that feels like.

Q How do you cope with the feeling of losing your way while trying to function every day, as you mention in the song?

Music. Music. Music.

When I don’t want to sit in feelings of loneliness, I turn to music. Feeling as if I’ve lost my way actually doesn’t motivate me to write music— as it does for some writers… but it does motivate me to listen to music that uplifts me.

Michael Jackson has a ton of songs that make me feel happy after feeling a little bit lonely.

“Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough” by Michael Jackson is definitely one of my “go to” songs for rising out of loneliness.

Q The repeated line about the other person acting like they don’t care feels very powerful. What made you decide to emphasize that?

That line most definitely is a feeling of not wanting to give up on something special and unique between you and another person— something beautiful that you know is there… so much so, those emotions bring you to a point where you feel like you would rather the other person show some small inkling of interest, or desire to be a part of what you believe was meant to be. It’s almost an expression of “just do something— a little bit of something— because I know that you feel what I feel”.

Q What role does vulnerability play in “I’m High,” especially when you ask someone to pretend they care?

The vulnerability is strong there. It’s a feeling of not having any control over how another person feels about you. Knowing and understanding that. It’s almost like believing that if the other person takes some sort of fast action, even if it’s toxic, or even reflects extreme insecurity, it may mean that they truly do care. Perhaps by the other person pretending just one little time— that they care, will result in that person recognizing their true feelings that they’ve been holding back from expressing… in a sense, wanting them to realize it— even if it’s by accident.

Q How do you think your listeners connect with the mix of loneliness and emotional rush you describe?

I feel there’s a natural connection when it comes to experiencing feelings of loneliness and emotional rush. It’s really about struggling to remain balanced in your emotions. To know that there’s something that is so certain— right in front of you— and you know that the other person feels it too— but then you’re pushed to a point of almost “persuading” the other person to take a chance. Just one time, even if it means pretending— because the ball is in their court.

It’s like she’s right at the point— just before giving up on the connection.

Q What do you want people to take away from the feeling of “just pretending” someone cares?

The feeling of wanting someone to “pretend” that they care about a relationship in “I’m High”, is a real stage of emotion that a person can get to as a result of desiring for the other person to make a move forward. It’s almost an act reflecting that it’s the “final push” for the person to do whatever it takes to make the connection a reality… rather than allow it to fall away.

Q Is there a particular line or phrase in the song that feels most personal to you?

Answering this question today is a definite, YES. I understand now that the lyrics in my song “I’m High”, although it didn’t resonate in my life at the time it was channeled— it most definitely seems to resonate now.

Turns out— the entire song “I’m High” was a prediction of where my life was heading— and it reflects where I am, and how I feel today.

The most resonant line in the lyrics is where I say,

“Addicted to your soul, I’m blinded by the rush I get from you.”

That’s the line right there. That’s what my heart feels.

Q What advice would you give to someone who feels isolated despite being surrounded by people, like you describe in the song?

In regard to isolation itself, I believe it is important to understand that “feelings of isolation” is exactly that — a FEELING.

When you look at it that way, and then couple that idea with the fact that you have absolute control of how you feel— you’ll see that you have options.

Consider what sorts of things are you doing when you are not feeling isolated? Revert back to those things.

As I mentioned earlier, music is very healing for me. If I’m feeling a certain kind of way that makes me feel low, or sad— or I have some feeling of insecurity or fear— I always turn to music.

There’s always a song that I can listen to, that makes me feel better in those moments of feeling isolated.