MC MAT-3
Q What prompted you to write “Heal” in the way you did, so directly addressing the listeners?
I’ve lived a lot of pain. From growing up without my Dad, to him dying when I was just 9 years old from liver failure due to excessive alcohol consumption. To living in rough neighborhoods and my mom and step dad becoming addicted to drugs. Then joining a gang trying to find love to then going into the US Army Infantry and being deployed to war in Iraq twice, I’ve lived a lot of pain. In my search for healing, I turned to alcohol and weed which seemed to work but ultimately led to more pain as I was arrested on multiple occasions due to drinking. After a short stint in jail in 2018, I found Jesus, well, He found me actually, and that led to a lot of changes, growth, and realizing that my pain wasn’t unique to just myself, a lot of others suffer from pain and trauma as well. So one day after having a really rough day, I started to write my pain Down and that led to me writing “Heal”.
Q You talk about letting go of feelings and not holding onto pain, was that something you struggled with prior to this?
I struggled hard for a long time. My pain began at an early age and then it grew into anger. I was mad at my dad for abandoning me and dying so young. Mad at my mom and step pops for them getting hooked on drugs. Mad at America for getting my boys killed in Iraq. Mad at war cause it’s brutal and ridiculously unfair. I was mad, angry, and full of hatred for a lot of things and people. I lived that way for a large portion of my life but thankful to have a new life, mind, heart, and spirit that has been healed.
Q Can you comment on the idea of going down a “new path” that you sing about in the first verse?
That new path that I rap about is Christianity. Not the “go to church ever Sunday and sing hymns and super religious Christianity”. But true Christianity that is built on having a relationship with the Creator of all and treating everyone, regardless of who they may be or what they do with love and kindness. I found that in Jesus and that led me to pursuing a “new path” with my life and this path, though difficult at times is drastically better than the old path I walked prior.
Q Was making “Heal” sound like a dialogue, like you’re talking directly to someone, a priority for you?
Yes, the idea was “it’s me vs me”. Not me against anyone else. This is a battle against my thoughts, my hurts, my pains. Pain and trauma act like a separate entity against you and it’s different for each person so this was written to feel and sound like there are 2 perspectives. One is you unhealed, the other is you when you’ve been healed.
Q You talk in the second verse about replacing or adopting memories. Which of those has been truer for you personally?
We can never fully erase our past no matter how hard we try so the best thing to do is embrace em and replace em. Embrace the fact that you lived through that trauma, through that pain and replace the victim mentality from “why me” to “because it was me, I can now help you”. It defeats the feeling of feeling helpless. It’s unfair that we experience things out of our control but what we do with those experiences afterwards is completely within our control. We can embrace that part and replace the helpless victim mindset with purpose and a new found ability to help those that suffer from what we went through.
Q The music is extremely personal yet extremely universal. How did you do that?
By being 100% unflinchingly authentic and laying it all out. We all go through pain and trauma. Everybody has a story of it in some way shape or form. Doesn’t matter your color, your belief, your status, or anything. We all share in the fact that all of us have gone through something that hurt us and scarred us. We’ve all felt helpless before no matter our backgrounds. It’s universal and so is the want to heal. We all want to heal From what hurt us the most so “Heal” just appeals to it because we’ve all dealt with the bad and want to feel better.
Q What role did faith play in your own process of healing?
Faith played a huge role. The largest role. I truly believe that I would not feel like I’ve been healed apart from my faith. It didn’t make the healing process any easier cuase there was still work to be done with having faith. But faith laid the foundation to facing the work that was needed to heal. I needed faith to believe counseling would work. I needed faith to believe that I was beyond healing. I needed faith to even believe healing was possible and I needed faith to lead me in the right direction of pursuing healing. Lots of people want to help you but the truth is, not everyone can help you, especially with helping you heal from painful and traumatic situations. Through faith I found the Way to healing. Through faith I met the One responsible for true healing.
Q You talk about positivity a lot in the song — do you have daily rituals or practices to maintain your mindset positive?
Absolutely! Positivity is the key to unlocking the first steps to healing. I had to learn to give myself grace and that began with how I spoke to myself. I would talk bad to myself a lot. Saying things to myself that affirmed the intrusive and abusive thoughts I had. I had to change that and it began with speaking life to myself. Life being things that gave birth to something beautiful, something pleasant, something worthy of smiling about. I begin each day with a prayer of gratitude and then I do healthy activities that reinforce that gratitude. I exercise, spend time with the my wife and family, and I play golf a lot and that helps by giving me positive moments to reflect upon that lead to more reason to be grateful.
Q “Real love don’t have conditions” is such a great line — what does unconditional love mean to you?
It means that love prevails regardless. One of the things I learned about God is that He loves us because He is love. Love is patient, it is kind, it doesn’t keep a record of wrong doings and is just and a lot more which can be read about in Corinthians 13:4-8. That’s the definition of love and real love is unconditional. It tolerates all things. It never falters. It never fails. Loving in that way is how we should strive to love one another.
Q What do you hope that people would feel when hearing “Heal” for the first time?
I hope that people feel that healing is possible and they can experience it for themselves when they hear “Heal”. I hope the feel empowered and courageously ready to face their traumas head on with a different outlook in mind. An outlook that says they CAN move on and use what was meant to break them, to build more than just themselves. But to build a better future for those coming after them.
Q Was there ever a moment when you knew that you wanted to utilize your music as healing?
Yes. I’ve been doing music for over a decade now and at first, I was just using music to try to make a quick buck. Over the years I began to have a different feeling about the music I was making and it lead to me leaving music behind for many years. It wasn’t until after I went to jail in 2018 that I thought about doing music again and not until last year that I actually decided to pursue it again with a new focus. To make music that uplifted and inspired people to be be great. To use it as a gift to minister to those who need it. To create songs that gave hope and motivated people to become excellent. When Hip-Hop was created, it was ment to do just that, inspire and tell a story that gave way to a great time. Not to be all sexualized, misogynistic, encourage drug use/abuse, and all that negative stuff. Hip-Hop wasn’t all about that so I wanted to tap back into the roots of what Hip-Hop was.
Q Do you think that music might be a therapeutic tool for people with trauma?
Definitely believe that to be true and there are more scientific studies that support the notion that music can be used in a beneficial therapeutic way for those who suffer from trauma. As one who deals with PTSD from 2 tours in combat, I use music to help me through the rough times. An interesting stat I learned is that music is the most consumed thing on the earth that isn’t necessary to survivability. We consume music more than we eat or drink! This stat alone shows you how powerful music is. Even in the Bible we can see times where music was used to calm someone when David played stringed instruments to calm a King of his depression. Music is emotions in motion and can shape or change emotions and feelings as soon as it’s turned on, or off as well.
Q When you refer to “there’s healing in that well,” what did you see the “well” being for you?
This line is representing the well in the Bible where Jesus meets a woman and reveals Himself as the Messiah to her and tells her that if she drinks from the cup He gives, she’ll thurst no longer. This represents that we make a we’ll we drink from. As in we have a place we go back to to take in the things that hurt and harm us. But if we turn from that, and accept the living water, with water representing life as water is an absolute necessity to produce life, if we accept this life that Jesus offers, we don’t go back to what hurt and harms us.
Q How do you keep in touch with your own healing process while guiding others’ through your music?
Firstly, I pray. Prayer to me is the most sincere form of hope. I even gave it an acronym so PRAY is actually P.R.A.Y. for me which means PREPARE and READY ANYTHING YOURSELF. I pray to ignite my hope and faith which ignites my work to do what I’ve prayed about. On top of that, I speak out. To my wife, my family, my closest friends that I trust to help hold myself accountable and lift me up in moments of weakness. I also write a lot. I’ll write out what I’m feeling or dealing with because it helps me understand the why behind it. A lot of times I feel we get stuck wondering why. Why did this happen? Why did it happen to me? Why did it have to happen? So for me, writing out my feelings gets me out of my head. A great golfer once was quoted that “Golf is a game of inches and the most important, are the 6 inches between you ears”. This isn’t just true about Golf. It’s true about life. When I get out of those 6 inches by writing or speaking things out, I find more space to free myself from what attempts to lock me inside my mind.
Q If you could give one piece of advice to someone hurting right now, in the light of “Heal,” what would it be?
The one piece of advice I’d give would be “Heal, so you can help more than just yourself”. Healing isn’t just for you even though you’ll be the one to feel it the most. It’s for those around you and not just those who love you or those you love most. A complete stranger can benefit from the genuine smile you’re able to give when you feel and are healed. So heal, your life and the world needs it.
