In DEFINETHEHERO’s I Won’t But I Should, the lyrics touch on the tortured struggle with doing the proper thing and doing the complete opposite. The track is saturated with harsh, self-revelatory lyrics that describe the battle between the heart and the brain, the will to change and the tendency to fall into the same patterns. The verses see DEFINETHEHERO admit to inner struggle, guilt, and the struggle of actually relating to people despite battling inner demons.

Right from the start, there’s a jarring disconnect between external world and internal world. DEFINETHEHERO sets out to define success and sophistication with wry wordplay and allusion, but things quickly become dark. He discusses debt, luggage, and the cost he sets on the memories and reminiscences that live in his brain. These are his real treasures—those of the mind that don’t carry a price tag. The argument that he frames possession as luggage speaks to the extent that his past makes a part of who he is.

He grapples with addiction—not with drugs, but with anesthetizing himself. There’s always a fear lying under the surface for him: the fear of being judged, both by the world and by himself. While the world would have him believing that success lies on the horizon, he’s stuck, drained, and not even sure what he’s doing anymore. That burnout and confusion come across with such naked candor that anyone who’s ever had the experience of being overwhelmed by expectation or his own mind will recognize.

The hook is a repetitive, simple but powerful line: “I won’t but, I should.” It pounds along with the beat of a heart throughout the entirety of the track, the frustration of doing the right thing but turning away anyway. The repetitive hook adds the heavy dose of emotions—it’s rueful in the moment. He isn’t denying he feels no emotions, but that he feels trapped by all that assails him from within.

In the second verse, DEFINETHEHERO shifts into an emotional realm, where he’s talking about a strained relationship because of his own demons. He knows he’s hurting the person he loves but feels that he can’t do otherwise to fix it. There’s this tortured realization of hurting the person, not because he’s being malicious but because he’s so wrapped up in his own battles with emotions. He does his best to be there, to be present for the person, but he manages to drive them away.

Possibly the most affecting of the lyrics occurs when he sings about shared moments of escape—riding down a deserted road in a car, sitting next to the one who loves you, being surrounded by the stars. These moments of tranquility, of being together, don’t last. Reality blows in. He may as well be in a galaxy away even when sitting next to somebody. It’s a beautiful description of heart distance.

Even with the love and longing in the lyrics, there isn’t an answer given. DEFINETHEHERO chooses truth over answer. He understands that he needs to move on, do what he needs to do for himself, even if that means letting go of somebody else. It isn’t cold—it’s torn. It’s what gives the lyrics all the depth. Its own power lies in the sincerity with which and the transparency with which the duality of being between the head and heart is expressed. DEFINETHEHERO does not give answers, but gives us something real: the reality of the battle of feelings, exposed in every line.