In Killian Caputo’s What If the songs provide in rich emotional latitude the reflection of the decision at issue the present moment is afforded. In open, uncomplicated exegesis of the experience of regret, the piece benefits in allowing the listener to readily position himself in the emotions. Killian suffers inner torment, betraying the extent to which one is able at one moment to feel at ease in the decision, at another adrift at sea.

The piece begins boldly, only to suddenly veer into confusion. Killian recognizes that what was right is now shrouded in confusion. This movement of confidence to confusion is one for which human beings can recognize the most, most of the time in backward glances for crucial periods of life. Killian tackles this movement in personal, sensitive, but not too complex terms.

One of the strongest components of the lyric is the reality that Killian has to deal with the notion that perhaps he made the wrong decision. He doesn’t repress the feeling — the entire time, tormenting himself the question of “What if I made a mistake?” as he attempts to provide his own answer without pause. This is what makes the emotions so raw, so true, stuck in the guilt cycle of questioning one’s own decisions. This question lingers large throughout the piece, verifying the hurt of moving on when you don’t know if you made the correct decision or the incorrect one.

The idea of courage can be applied in the best of ways. Killian poses the question to himself, was it that moment — or fear. This lyric enhances the song, in the sense it’s not always the relationship, it’s one’s own courage. It’s not questioning the other, it’s himself that is questioned, in the question of was it the fact that one was too afraid of being courageous to stay? This type of accountability is the source of the heaviness for the feeling in the lyric.

All the way throughout the song, Killian pairs sadness with reflection of the past. He acknowledges that he felt like he failed and wishes that he was listening — perhaps to advice, his gut, or even the party on the receiving end of the equation. These verses reveal that not only is he angry at the end result, but at the way that he went about it as well. There’s undoubtedly the tone of maturing here, as it sounds like the past mistakes were learned from, but wincing in pain at doing so.

The phrase “I left so soon” is repeated several times, as well as it keeps the impression that he departed all too soon without taking in the whole picture. It’s a tragic reminder about the role of time in delineating everything, least of all in relationships. Repeat this in his head is, as Killian illustrates, the way in which ill-advised decisions can bring about lingering mistrust.

What is smart about the lyric is the way, in one breath, it invokes the experience of sadness, of longing, of regret, even of quiet strength. Killian doesn’t provide easy answers, and that is why the lyric is real. Life doesn’t always provide easy answers, but the best of What If is the way in which it frames the experience of living in uncertainty.

Frank speech, charged with feeling, is the hallmark of Killian Caputo’s words. They bear witness to the power of the one moment’s pause in invoking the ripple of glancing backward, of co-existence of regret with resolve, of one’s own courage in avowal of weakness from time to time. What If is a sensitive, inward-focused monologue which speaks most loudly to all of us who looked backward in fear, “Was doing it the right thing?”