JULIA SKYE
Q What inspired you to write “Call It Even”? Was there an emotion or a particular thing that sparked the thought?
“Call It Even” was inspired by my relationship with anxiety and self-doubt. I wanted to play with perspective, so I chose to separate that anxiety into a character outside of myself, and write the song through that voice.
Q The lyrics are almost a balance between power and vulnerability—how did you balance out those emotions composing the song?
I wanted create a sense of the push and pull that exists between that power and vulnerability, and how the presence of anxiety can present itself as the voice of reason, but really is an unreliable and controlling narrator.
Q When you say “call it even,” what does the phrase mean to you personally about relationships?
To me, that voice saying “call it even” is like a forced acceptance of a cycle or responsibility in an unhealthy dynamic; saying “it takes two to tango,” so even if you’re unhappy we’re both to blame. The numbers may not be adding up, but we’re in this together.
Q There’s a very strong theme of power and emotional control in the lyrics—was that something you intentionally wanted to look at right from the start?
Definitely. I know how toxic being in the voice of that character sounds, but I wanted that voice to come through. I wanted the emotional control the narrator is trying to demand to be both disturbing and alluring at the same time. It could almost be more comfortable to give in because of how “safe” it could feel.
Q How much of the song is based on personal experience and how much is straight-up storytelling?
It is very much based on my personal experience of my own mental state and an internal dialogue that exists in my head (some moments more than others, thankfully). I’m glad the song can be interpreted in any way a listener may need though; it doesn’t have to be about a relationship with yourself, but that’s what it means to me.
Q The lyrics are back-and-forth, like a tug-of-war—did you intentionally want to show that sort of dynamic?
I did, for sure. A voice of self-doubt, anxiety or insecurity can be a voice that’s hard to ignore. It becomes like a nagging voice, knocking on some imaginary door begging to be taken back, or making you feel scared to be without it. There’s always the thought of “maybe it’s really right this time.” It’s a complicated dynamic.
Q Did writing “Call It Even” help to process any specific emotions or previous situations?
Writing “Call It Even” was a good exercise for me in separating that negative voice from my truest self, and recognizing some of the thought patterns that I fall into in my relationship with myself. It’s a part of me that I know will never go away, but I’m learning to see ways I can be kinder to myself.
Q The imagery of staying in someone’s head or being in the mirror is forcefully declared—what do those lines mean to you?
For me, those lines are about how hard it can be to fight against a negative thought or feeling. For example, looking in the mirror and only choosing to see the negative. I wanted those lines and their delivery to feel slightly threatening because the song builds up to that point, and I think most things tend to get worse before they get better.
Q How much time did it take to come up with the lyrics for this song? Was it a flash-in-the-pan process or a slow cooker?
I remember this song being an easy one to write. I always feel best about a song when I’m able to write the music and lyrics together, and writing “Call It Even” was one of those times.
Q What do you think differentiates this song from your other work, lyrically?
“Call It Even” is the only song I’ve written (so far at least) that isn’t written in my own voice. I guess you could say it still is my voice in a way, but I’d rather think of this narrator as a character that lives somewhere within me, but isn’t always the lead.
Q Was there a part of the song that was particularly challenging to write or that you rewrote heavily?
I did focus on the bridge a lot. I wanted it to feel like the climax of this back and forth, and the narrator starting to get desperate, and throwing out jabs in an effort to regain control. It was a fun challenge to try to portray all of that effectively, both lyrically and harmonically. It’s one of my favourite bridges I’ve written so far.
Q You sing really assertively in the lyrics—do you ever feel like that all the time in life, or is there something about music that allows you to tap into that?
Being assertive is something I actively work on in my real life all the time. To me, the assertiveness in this song represents my true voice being overtaken by this narrator, and it almost turns to aggression instead. My willingness to accommodate can be something I love about myself at times, but I’m constantly learning the importance of balance. Songwriting and music has definitely allowed me to strengthen my own voice, and given me an outlet to test it out in different ways.
Q There’s that undertone of vengeance or retribution in the lyrics—was that included in the intention behind getting the message across?
Yes, for me that was a very important aspect. Listening to a voice of anxiety and mistaking it for a voice of reason can feel like a security blanket, but I wanted to make it clear that when you listen closely, it’s not a friendly voice. Even if the tone is confusing.
Q How do you manage to write about love and relationships without sounding corny?
I’m sure I don’t always succeed. Sometimes I’m okay with corny; sometimes corny is the most honest. I think just honesty is the key though, and exploring the underside of a feeling and what makes it unique. The simplest feelings are super complicated when you choose to look at them that way!
Q Ever feel nervous about being so emotionally vulnerable in your lyrics?
I don’t journal nearly as much as I just write songs, so it really does feel like handing out my open diary to strangers, and I definitely do get nervous at times! I like to focus on the possibility that any of my songs could mean something to somebody else, or help them understand something in themself, versus what they reveal about me.
Q Have listeners ever told you their own stories after hearing “Call It Even”?
I’ve had people come up to me and share how much they related to it which always means a lot to me. I imagine we all have some version of that narrator in each of us somewhere, so to have this song resonate with people is really special.
Q If you had to reduce the lyrics of this song to one word, what would that be and why?
Maybe “identity.” I think for me the song boils down to this experience of cognitive dissonance over what you believe about yourself, what ideas you subscribe to about who you are and what you can do, and ultimately stepping into a fuller version of yourself. Learning to let go of the urge to so heavily self-protect.
Q What do you hope people take away from the message behind the words of “Call It Even”?
I hope it inspires either a feeling of empowerment or a feeling of hope. That it’s okay to be as kind to yourself as you would be to others, which is not always actually a comfortable feeling in my experience.
